Sawyer The Drummer

This is my son, His name is Sawyer. He is 2-years-old and he loves playing the drums. It is incredible to see this little guy singing worship tunes at the top of his lungs, all while attempting a roto tom fill on his little drum set. Check out this video! You will laugh more than once, I promise! Sawyer is singing "This Glorious Grace" from the newest Austin Stone Worship record.

I am having a dad moment. I am super proud of this little guy. There is an indelible link between my life and his. As I am pursuing worship leading as a vocation, I see more and more every day the far-reaching influence I have on my son. I love worship through music. He loves it too. Maybe more. Just watch the video!

Beyond the delight of seeing my son take joy in music lies a deeper revelation. Becoming a husband and father has changed my perspective on life, and influenced how I perceive the role of leadership in the Church.

The call to pursue worship as a vocation has been a scary one, much like getting married, having kids, and the gravity involved in being the leader of a family. Much like marriage and fatherhood, I know there will be much required of me as I pursue a leadership position in the Church. I can say without a doubt that my wife Dusty, my two-year-old Sawyer, and my little girl Jahnabell, have prepared me for this leadership role. The leadership role I'm stepping into will require much, and the role of dad and husband has prepared me in a profound way. I have discovered that the only possible way for me to lead and serve my family well is to follow the model Paul taught in Ephesians 5. Paul begins in verse one explaining how we should, like children, model our lives after His:

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"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:1-2

This passage parallels what I see happening in my own life and the life of my son. Sawyer imitates me as we should imitate Christ, and in order for me to be a loving father, as Christ is to us, I must love my family as "Christ loved the church".

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25

This directive is an incredibly dramatic calling considering how Christ gave himself up for the Church. Paul calls us to lead our families with Christ's love. The love that He demonstrated with his death on the cross that took away the sins of man. I am discovering more every day how marriage and fatherhood is a gift from the Lord in more ways than one.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!"  Psalm 127:3-5

Worship

I pushed open our front door, and immediately an amazing aroma drifted my way. Blonde curls stood shoulder high and blonde curls peered at me knee high. My wife Dusty and my curly-headed 2-year-old grinned from ear to ear. "Happy anniversary!" Dusty exclaimed with a broad smile spread across her face.

Yesterday, March 10th, was our wedding anniversary.  My wife Dusty completely surprised me and made my favorite dinner. It was a dinner that my mom used to make. Beef barley stew, complete with biscuits and a homemade apple pie from scratch. The time it takes to put a meal together while taking care of a 2-year-old and a 5-month-old is really an incredible gesture of love. I won't even mention that the process for putting together this specific stew takes hours. I can assure you though, the flavor is well worth it! It is so much more than just food, it nurtures the spirit and mind. It might be easy to think that it's just dinner, but it is much more than that. 

Several thoughts became clear as I was feasting on stew and biscuits: The time and loving effort it took Dusty to make this meal while teaching and training our kids, was a reflection of Christ's love. Sometimes I trivialize the every day, but this daily expression of love that my wife was giving our little family was a deeply meaningful example of how Jesus loves people.

God commands us to worship through song, but he also beckons us to worship him in "word and deed". Worship should be a daily act of love and communion with God and each other. Chopping veggies while your toddler is pulling everything out of the bottom cabinet is worship. This is something my wife does on a daily basis. It is also something I watched my mother live out every day of my childhood. In Colossians Paul writes:

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:15-16

It is easy to think that worship is something we do on Sunday mornings. We stand up and sing a few songs, then we're done. Worship should be a daily offering to the Lord, "whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus."  I don't think it is a coincidence that Paul writes about singing, and then follows up with, "do everything, in word or deed." It is vitally important that our perspective on worship goes beyond singing a few songs on Sundays.

I was blessed through my childhood to see this lived out every day by my mom's labors of love for her family. When she passed away early in 2013, this example of loving others daily has continued to etch itself in my mind. My mom had a heart for worship, not just singing, (although she loved to worship through song!) she lived her life day in, and day out to glorify God. She lived out Paul's words in Colossians 3. 

So when I got home from work yesterday and the aroma of stew and apple pie met me at the door it was much more than a good meal, it was much more than an anniversary surprise. It was an example of how Christ's love can transcend what we view as ordinary and make it extraordinary.

My sister Emma, is very gifted with words, and wrote the following shortly after mom passed away. Emma's words sum up our mother's love in such a beautiful way:

Bonny

She is beyond describing.

She loved roses and gardens,

books and babies

and baking whole wheat bread.

She believed in good things, in

speaking

truth and encouragement,

in always

benefiting the listener.

She loved teaching and cooking,

sharing and sewing,

and serving others.

She was brave, bold, zealous

for life and learning and loving

everyone.

She inspired, motivated, changed

each

and every person

to cross her path.

She wanted

for everyone

the deep, life sustaining

knowledge,

the relationship

with Jesus Christ

that bore her through her own life

unto the end,

and now the beginning.

She was brilliant, creative, and

beautiful,

and yet

beautiful does not describe her.

Fair perhaps, lovely, or

maybe just

Bonny.

Begin Again

As I sit here waiting for my 4-month-old daughter to drift to sleep I begin to reflect… Hold that thought, she’s crying and her eyes seem to say, “but I don’t want to take a nap daddy!” As I sing, “you are my sunshine, my only sunshine” to calm her cries, my mind drifts between thought and daydream like a wandering dragonfly. Life is but a flash of light in the scope of the entire universe. What part do we play? What is the role of humanity?

Photo by Leilani Rogers October 2015

Ok, hold it. Before I go crazy with this thought or that, let me back up, let me start over. There is so much to share in life and sometimes it helps putting my thoughts on a page. It can be difficult to reign in my mind at times and that’s part of the reason I’m starting this blog. I often joke with my wife about having undiagnosed A.D.D. and she laughs ruefully knowing that it is more true than not. Maybe that’s why my little girl has trouble sleeping. There’s too much to do and see, and new things to discover! Sleep? No way!

All of this aside, I think it’s important to start at the beginning. When my mind starts spinning out of control, I try to pause, and re-examine, “hold it now, what am I doing? Why am I here? What purpose do I have on this earth?” I realize these are vast questions with immense implications, but these vast ponderings can only be satisfied by one answer. I believe it is simply to give God the glory and enjoy him forever.

“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  1 Corinthians 10:31

This may be an over simplification, but it is a great place to start when considering the meaning of life. It is quite challenging to externalize 1st Corinthians 10. How should this scripture play out in everyday life? By the time I get home from work, by the time my wife and I, and the little ones eat dinner, do the dishes, put the kids to bed, and sit down; it really doesn’t feel like we’re giving God the glory, and the whole “enjoy him forever” part seems even farther away. Amidst the craziness of life, when I finally take the time to sit down, open the word and pray, when I turn the pages of the scriptures and begin learning about what took place in the gospel. I see glimmers of hope. Signs of life, there is something beyond me.

“But everything exposed by the light becomes visible – and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: ‘Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’” Ephesians 5:13-14

This scripture has a way of cutting through clouds of doubt and fear. It has always spoken to me. In fact I would love to write a song about this passage at some point. There is a point where the Lord quiets my spinning mind, and despite how busy things get, I must strive to know Christ. There is no greater joy than discovering life in Jesus.

A little life history: I have been making films for the past 4-6 years. I graduated with a Radio, TV, Film degree from North Texas and started a production company. Along the way I’ve always loved to worship and to write songs. I felt a distinct calling early in my childhood to worship, and as a young boy I learned guitar and began singing. My first song to learn on guitar was “Shout To The Lord”. I can remember it taking me quite awhile to learn the C chord shape. I couldn’t quite make my fingers stretch across those three frets!

Photo by Richard Dalton 2009.

Last fall I finally let go of what I thought that calling would look like, and just started living life. Serving at our church, keeping busy with my filmmaking business, and trying my utmost to prioritize quality time with my growing family and with God. That’s when the opportunity to do a residency with Austin Stone Community Church arose.  

I have generally scoffed in my mind at people who say they were “called” to the ministry or “called” to go overseas and preach the gospel. I often thought, what does it mean to be called? How does one truly know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has spoken to you and called you to something?

I have found the best way to answer the question of calling is through prayer. The word of God and His spirit will lead and speak to us.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:14-15

I have found this to be true in my life in so many ways. At every turn, in every hardship, there is no rest for my weary soul until I turn my eyes and seek Him.

…And we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Romans 5:2-4

Time and time again, I have prayed and God has answered. Sometimes it’s simply the fact that I can’t escape the prodding of His spirit in my mind. Music, leadership, community, relationships, and people; God has given me a compelling passion in these areas. Although it can manifest itself in many ways, leading community in praise and adoration of the creator has always been something God given me a passion for. It is far more than playing music.

Let me just say this: Wherever we are as a people, wherever our hearts may be, we can rest in the knowledge that God understands the cry of our hearts far more than we ever will. So let’s begin again together.

And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12